Karma is a BITCH!

So I woke up with 2 things this morning:
a. A headache
b. An urge to write

The headache is gone now, and I am about find release for that urge.

Recently, I've been thinking about vengeance. Again, my Christianity affects me. I grew up learning that we should not take revenge on people that hurt us. That the Bible let us know that "Vengeance is mine, says the Lord". But there are those moments when someone does something really bad to you and you just want payback.

Sometimes you want the payback immediately. Other times, it doesn't have to be immediate, you just want to know that you were avenged for the wrong that was done to you.

Like the boy that broke your heart. As you watch him walk away you just wish something bad would happen to him. Like he would also get heart broken. Or that the girl he left you for will cheat on him and then break his heart. Or that he will give birth to a daughter who will meet a guy just like him and she will have her heart broken.

Like the boss that sexually harasses you when nobody is looking. You wish that one day, he will be caught in the act and exposed for the predator that he is. Or that one day he will harass the wrong girl and she will bite that tongue of his that he likes to shove down your mouth.

Like the company that advises you to resign based on the lies of your superior officer and his dislike for you. You wish that they will continue to lose the pitches they go for. Or that everything their hands touch will not flourish. Or that something bad happens to their family.

This might sound like harsh thoughts and words, but at the point in which you are hurting, you just keep thinking of how to hurt them back. Your only consolation is in your faith that God, or the fates, will avenge you. Just sit back and smile in satisfaction as you remember "It is appointed to man to die once, and after that is JUDGEMENT".

Do we age like Wine or Milk?

So a discussion was going on in my office.  Some guys felt that sex with a younger woman is more interesting, while others felt that there was more pleasure to be found in older women. So I began to wonder.  Do women age like wine and get better with time, or do they age like milk and begin to spoil over time.

Those in the camp of the younger women believe that because all her parts are still new and fresh, it is better.  Her breasts are still perky, she is young, she is energetic, she is eager to please and you can teach her new things. But these guys need to remember that these young women don't have experience.  They do not take pleasure in the full experience of the whole sexual process.  At this tender age, they are not even aware of most of the muscles that they have down below. At this age, it is about quantity and not necessarily quality. It is about how many rounds a guy can go with them and not necessarily how many orgasms or how deep the feeling they get.

Those in the camp of the older women believe fully in her experience.  Her body is more supple, she has more control over herself, she has more experience and she knows exactly what she wants. She is with a man not just to get the initial satisfaction of sex. It is about the whole process.  From foreplay, touching, feeling, tasting, etc. to the actual sex. Now keep in mind sex is not just an in and out process. It is so much more than that. They are focused on quality and not quantity. It is no longer about how many rounds a guy can go, but about how much he can do with the time available to him. Younger girls cannot really appreciate this. On the downside, their breasts are sagging a bit and their waist size begins to match their hip size.

I can't really say which school of thought is right. I just believe that every category has its target audience. Those that like younger girls, like younger girls no matter what. Those that like older women, like older women no matter what. But here's some food for thought; why is it that guys usually end up with the women in the older category? They have sex with the younger ones, but don't necessarily stay with them.

Anyway, those are just a few thoughts in my head from hearing guys discuss about women.  What do you think?

It's My Body

Guys can be so funny sometimes. I don't know why they believe in the theory that once you've hit it, you can always hit it again.Or why they think that just because they are attracted to a girl and she likes them, they can have sex with her. What if the girl doesn't want to? What if she is not attracted to you any more? What if she is just not in the mood for sex? What if she is not in the right place in her mind? What if, what if, what if?

You come to me and say let's just be friends with benefit. You like me, but you are not ready for a serious relationship so let's just maintain the status-quo. What does that mean? To me, you are saying that you just want to have sex with me. Guys, please correct me if I'm wrong. I'm probably not wrong though.

You come over, we chill and watch a game on TV. Then you start feeling up on me. I move cos I don't want anything to happen. I am perfectly fine with just chilling with you and watching a game or movie. You then make a move and I rebuff you. You get upset at me. You start asking funny questions. What's wrong with me? Why can't I just say yes? Why must I be so stubborn and difficult? Why do I find it so hard to say yes? Can't I just do this one thing for you?

As I sit and listen to you complain, I am perplexed. How can you be saying these things to me? You ask me to do this thing for you like it's a favour. This is my body we are talking about. I can't just give it to you. I am hurt by your words. We are friends and I am sad that this is what we have become.

You keep trying to cajole me. You say that it won't happen often. That is will be just once in a while. I let you know that it is not about frequency. I just don't want to have sex. You then try another angle. What if I meet the right guy, will I say the same thing. I wonder what that has to do with anything. I don't believe there is any right guy out there right now, so I don't care. You keep pushing me. So I won't have sex till I get married? Again, what does that have to do with anything. I might not wait till marriage, but as of right now, I AM NOT HAVING SEX!

I maintain my stand and refuse to give in. You leave my house in annoyance. I can't believe it. So because you are sexually attracted to me I must have sex with you? Well, that's not my problem. You can be vexed all you want. When you calm down, you can call me and we can continue our friendship. But do not for one second think that I would have changed my mind. Because of this singular act of yours, I will never have sex with you.

It wasn't supposed to be like this.

I wasn't supposed to be this silly girl. I wasn't supposed to fall in love. You weren't supposed to be unavailable. I wasn't supposed to be emotionally weak.

I met you on a sunny Sunday afternoon. I didn't even take you seriously when you approached me. I was so sure that you were drunk. We danced together and it was fun, but that was all it was. Just a dance, with a guy, at the beach. You asked for my number and I gave it to you. Partly because I thought you were cute, partly because I thought you were too drunk and you wouldn't remember me or my name the next morning. To my surprise, you called me on Monday. Guess you were not so drunk after all. You wanted to hang out with me after work. I gave it a thought and said ok. Partly because I thought you were cute, partly because I needed a distraction and partly because I was curious.  What would you look like sober, without sunglasses on and dressed in regular clothes? Well my curiosity was satisfied when I saw you. You were still cute, you looked different without sunglasses on and your shirt and trousers fit nicely. I was glad I came. I had a really great time with you. The conversation was fantastic and I couldn't stop laughing. I have a thing for guys that make me laugh. That was the beginning of the crazy fun we were about to have together.

We saw each other every evening that week and I didn't get tired of you. I looked forward to all your text messages and your calls. I thought it was ok to fall for you. You seemed like you were also falling for me. It was all great since we were both single. There was no harm and we were having a great time together. I was so comfortable around you. We could sit in your car for hours just talking and I felt like I could stay with you forever. I know it sounds so mushy, so emotional, so sentimental, so .... girly. Whatever! That was how I felt. And I loved every minute of that feeling. I thought I had found the guy I was going to spend the rest of my life with. We were talking on the phone late at night and you said those words to me "I Love You". My heart melted and before my brain could get it's bearing, I said " I Love You Too". Wow! It was official, we were in love. This is what I had been waiting for. Before long, you asked me to be your girlfriend. I wanted to say yes, but I got scared. I thought things were moving too fast. I said we should wait and see how things go. Till tomorrow, I will never know if that was the greatest mistake I made with us. Sometimes I feel things would have turned out differently if I had just said yes. Sadly, I will never know.

The day started off like any other day. You called and wanted to hang out after work. I said cool, but your voice sounded funny. I asked what was wrong, but you said nothing. I put it off thinking you would talk about it when we met later on. Work ended and you were waiting for me outside my office. We drove to your friend's house in our cars. While there, you were still looking, sounding and acting funny. I asked what was wrong and you still said nothing. I didn't like the fact that you were not telling me what's wrong, but I decided to be patient and give you some space. All three of us then drove to Kingsize to hang out and watch the game that night. While there, you said the words that would shatter my world as I knew it. When you first said it, I thought you were joking. You couldn't be serious. How was I supposed to believe that? YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!!!! Silence. My heart skipped. You looked serious. OMG, you were serious! What the FUCK!!! How could you have a girlfriend? I was supposed to be your girlfriend. I know I didn't say yes that day, but we had been acting like a couple for the past couple of months. How could you do this to me?

You started begging. You were pleading with me to forgive you. I was just crying. Why was I crying? I felt like an idiot. How could I not know you had a girlfriend? You lied to me. So maybe you never even loved me. How could you do this to me? You led me on and like a fool, I followed you. What was I supposed to do now? I know I'm being dramatic, but I felt like my work had just crashed. You said that you were sorry. You didn't mean to hurt me. I was the love of your life. You didn't love her. You were going to break up with her. I just needed to give you some time. She wasn't in the country so you wanted to wait for her to get back before you did it. I thought that was brave of you to want to break up with her in person. Because I loved you, I believed you. I was going to give you time to sort things out. You had to sort things out. My heart was still trying to get its beat back.

A month passed and things started getting worse. You were not sure when she would be coming back. How the hell do you have a girlfriend and you don't know when she will be coming back. I stopped seeing you everyday. We started fighting on the phone. You stopped calling and texting as much. What was going on? Everything was falling apart. Then the real truth started coming out. She was not really out of town. She has always been around. It was not really a family hook-up. She was not really a bad person. In fact, you didn't think you were going to break up with her. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!

I didn't think my heart could break again, but it did. How could the person that was supposed to love me cause me so much pain? How could the person that was supposed to protect me, hurt me so much? Why did you let me fall for you if you had no intentions of catching me? Why did you take me on this wild ride if you were just going to kick me to curb on the highway of love? Now you tell me to get over you. That you love me but we can't be together. You love her too so you can't leave her. How can you be in love with 2 different girls? You say you don't want to be selfish and tie me down. That I should try to move on. But you still love me. You can't let go of me. I'm a great girl and any guy would be lucky to have me. Why couldn't you be the lucky one? You want us to still be friends. I'm a very special person and you want me to still be in your life.

I was weak, so I couldn't let you go. We still kept seeing, you still kept saying you love me, and we still kept having fun together. Yet in all this, you still had a girlfriend and you still keep telling me you are not leaving her. You come to see me at work and we still sit in your car for hours having the best conversations like always. The only difference now is that when she calls, you pick the phone. You don't even bother hiding it. You talk to her like I'm not even there. Like I don't matter any more. Like you were not just telling me how much you guys fight. Like you didn't just look at me with love in your eyes. Like you didn't just kiss me as if you needed me to make everything ok. Like you didn't just hug me so tightly as if you had been waiting for that all day long. How could things get to this point? I am not sure what to do now.

At the end of the day, I sit back and think. It was not supposed to be like this. But now life has thrown me this curve ball. I am lost and confused, but one thing is sure. I am just a silly girl, in love with a boy that is unavailable and I am too emotionally weak to let him go and stand on my own.

Religion, Tribe and a lil thing known as Marriage

Recently, I met a guy and he seemed like a very interesting person. We started to hang out, and get to know each other better and I realised that he's a really cool person. So I now like this guy and he likes me too. Now this is where you ask, "what's the problem?" Well he is from a different tribe.

I'm sure you are wondering why this is an issue. Me personally, I am not tribalistic, but it seems my family might be a bit tribalistic. Not to an extreme point, but enough to make me wonder if anything could work out between me and this guy.

This got me thinking about some of the issues that cause problems in marriages. You have the issue of difference in culture. If this guy is from a different tribe, he has a different way of doing things, his family has different principles, they speak a different language, eat different food, etc.. This cultural gap in itself is enough to cause friction in a marriage between two different people.

If you then decided to add religious differences to it, you are playing another ball game. It's one thing if it's based on varying religions like Christianity and Islam. What happens when we now get into the craziness of denominations. Anglican, Catholic, Baptist, Methodist, etc.. Let's not even get into the various pentecostal churches; Redeemed, TREM, Winners, House on the Rock, Household of God, Daystar, Covenant Christian Centre, and the various other nameless churches. What does religion have to do with it anyway? As a Christian though, I know I can't be unequally yoked to an unbeliever, so let's permanently rule out marrying a Muslim. But should the fact that a guy is Catholic affect whether he is marriable (if that's a word) or not? I don't think so.

I think it comes down to basic facts. What character does he have? What principles does he live by, regardless of his tribe? What relationship does he have with God, regardless of his denomination?

Another issue now came to mind. What if he has a kid. These days, many young people have children already and yet they are not married. So does the fact that a person have a kid mean their chance at a future decent marriage is cut short? After all, it was just a mistake.

Now my mother explained a simple principle to me. If a person has done something once before, the probability of them doing it again is higher. So if a man had sex with a woman before, the probability of him having sex with her again is higher. So if your man has a child by another woman, the chances of him sleeping with said woman again is higher. Hmm. This is a lot to process.

Anyway, these are just a few thoughts going through my mind.

Despite all these issues, I believe that if 2 people are meant to be together, they will be. No matter what obstacles they have to overcome. It takes determination, dedication, and love to get through it all.

Good luck in your search of love and marital happiness.

The Maze of Falling in Love

I read from a blog recently, and the author compared falling in love to being in a maze.  This really got me thinking.  This whole love thing, how does it really work? How many times can a person truly fall in love in their life? Is there such a thing as true love? How many true loves can a person have in their lifetime? Is having a true love like having a soul-mate? Do soul-mates even exist?

These sound like a lot of questions, but these crazy rantings are what go on in my head. Sometimes I think I think too much (don't know if that came out right).

Anyway back to the issue at hand, falling in love. I've fallen in love before and it was like spontaneous combustion. I met a guy and two days later, he was all I could think about. That was the beginning of the roller-coaster that would be my first love. It's funny when people say they are tripping for someone. Well I actually tripped for this guy. I mean, I literally missed my step. It was so embarrassing.  I guess he didn't notice, or it wasn't a big deal because that didn't stop him from asking me to be his girlfriend 2 days later. Well that didn't work out, but that's story for another day.

Another love I had kind of sneaked up on me. When I met him, I was looking for a distraction. Wanted to get my mind of a guy I was having serious infatuations about. I'm sure you are beginning to think I just like boys. Well you are right, I LIKE BOYS. Now stop distracting me and let's get back to what I was saying. He was meant to be a distraction, I was just having fun, chilling, whatever you want to call it. Chilling with him gave me a nice feeling and the attraction was crazy. I mean I kissed him on the first "date". Don't judge me! I liked him, he smelled nice, I wanted to kiss him, I sensed he felt the same, he walked me to my car, we talked some more, he leaned in, I didn't lean away, and well as they say, the rest is history.

I have fallen into the maze called love quite a few times and I must say getting out is very difficult. Some mazes are easier than others, but none is easy. Each time I say I won't enter that maze again, I do. When I do, I say I won't get lost, but I do. Then I start struggling to get out. I am patiently waiting for the day I will enter a maze that I won't want to get out of. A maze where each turn presents something new and exciting for me to discover. A maze that I would gladly get lost in because I feel safe and I know I can stay in here forever.

Testing, Testing...

Well I tried blogging before, and it didn't quite work out like I thought.  I have decided to give this another try instead of giving up like I usually do.

This will be a bit different from the last one. It is not a series. It is just me and all the crazy things I do or that happen to me.

Read and recommend to others if you like it. Your comments are also very welcome.

Thanks.