I Don't Fit

Has someone ever tried to fit you into an idea of the kind of person you should be? Almost like there was a blue print in their head of how you should be and they would do all they could to make you fit that exact description. Or have you met a person that has certain boxes in his mind and everybody has to fit into a particular box? Like being a girly-girl, or a tom boy or a metro-sexual or a man's man. Well I have encountered quite a few people that felt I had to fit a particular mould and tried their best to make me conform. There were others that were baffled by the fact that I didn't fit into any category they had in their mind.

One of my exes is such a person.. He felt that I needed to dress in a more feminine manner. This was in college, and back then I was a t-shirt and jeans type of girl. Matter of fact, I'm still that type of girl. I would always look so casual in school. To top if off, I would not wear heels with my jeans. I would always wear sneakers. I absolutely loved sneakers. I mean, they were so comfortable. So in his bid to make me more feminine, he went out and got me new clothes. He bought me tighter jeans, feminine tops, dresses, skirts, etc. I love gifts, so I gladly accepted the clothes. But I was left with this thought in my mind; why does he want to change my look? Am I not pretty enough? Am I not sexy enough? Next on his agenda was to make me gain weight. He said he like how I used to look before we started dating. That I had more weight, bigger thighs and a bigger butt. So I was put on a diet to increase my weight. I added Ensure to my grocery list and I used to drink at least one bottle everyday. The final item on his list was a make-up make-over for me. I usually don't use make-up, because I don't have to, but he said as a lady, I needed to use some. So off we went to the mall and headed straight for the Mac stall. I sat down at let the lady work her magic on me. She said she would give me a "natural" look. This sounded funny to me cos I felt natural would mean me without any make-up on. Anyway, when she was done, she gave me all the tools she had used on my face and a tutorial on how to achieve the same look on my own. Needless to say, at the end of this whole process, I was not sure who I was any more. Well that new look didn't last long cos I couldn't deal with all the stress. I went back to my jeans, t-shirt and no make-up face. I kept the Ensure though cos it was delicious. The guy also went out with all his new clothes. I loved myself just the way I was and I was more comfortable that way.

The Monster in Me

I have this monster in me that needs to be fed constantly. It doesn't eat food, or meat, or anything edible. This monster feeds on attention and affection. I always have this need to be with a guy. To have a guy that I can talk to, and not as a friend. I have enough male friends, but that special someone has still eluded me.

I always meet guys that seem to be that special someone and it takes several months for me to figure out that they are not so special. You would think that I would have learned my lesson by now. But that monster is still there. So I find myself having to replace the guy once he leaves. The monster just would not rest.

I don't know if anyone out there understands how I feel. I have recently found myself at that point again where the guy has shown his true colours. Now the sensible thing would be to completely cut him off and move on with my life. I can't do that because the monster must be fed. So I still find myself calling the guy, spending time with him and generally fooling myself.

Please if there are any monster hunters out there, I need your help. Kindly come and catch this monster in me and set it free in the wild. I need to learn to be single and happy. I need to learn how to be by myself and not be sad.

The Case of the 3 Northerners & 1 Middle Easterner

So elections are coming up this month in Nigeria and a whole lot of activity is happening around town. I am not really politically inclined, but I have paid attention to this particular election. I actually went out to register to vote and I plan on actually going out to vote during the election process. However, there is something that baffles me about this election.

Nigeria is a country that is very diverse. We have been split into 6 geopolitical zones and we have no less than 10 various tribes. Our religious base is also split between Christianity, Islam and Traditionalists. We always claim that we are united in our diversity. So I then begin to wonder how diverse we really are when out of the 4 major candidates running for presidency, 3 are northerners and 1 is from the middle east. 3 are Muslims and 1 is a Christian. Is it that we cannot find any credible candidates from any other region of this greatly diverse nation? Must we continue to be ruled by the gentlemen from the North?

Now, don't get me wrong, it is not even as if these candidates are that credible anyway. I mean we have Buhari,  who is an ex-military ruler, that wants to come back into power. Even when he was head of state, all the great things people claim he did were actually effected by his vice. We have another one, Ribadu, who seemed like a good enough candidate until we heard him in a debate. He was overtly aggressive and like the others, could not really articulate what he planned to do to improve the nation if he was elected president. The last person, Shekarau,  was articulate and seemed to have a plan. My only issue is that he is an Islamic fundamentalist. Nothing against Muslims, I just don't want to live in an Islamic state. In all fairness, he might not try to turn us into an Islamic nation, but I am not willing to take those chances.

Now the candidate from the middle east, Jonathan,  is a conundrum on his own. I mean, here is a guy that has a Ph.D and seems to be afraid of a debate. He went to great lengths to try and avoid debating even to the extent of insulting the intelligence of the youths. I mean, he had the nerve to organise an interview with D'Banj, who they felt was a voice for the youth. Nothing against D'Banj, but if I wanted a musician to represent my voice as a youth, he would not be my choice. I would have gone for maybe an Eldee who is very intelligent and articulate, or Banky W who played an active role in getting youths to register for the elections. Definitely not the Koko Master. I mean, even throughout the interview, he was just nodding his head in deference to Jonathan. Then he went ahead to get NTA to organise a debate that was sponsored by The Broadcasting Organisation of Nigeria (BON). Since he had refused to attend other debates that were organised by various organisations, the other presidential candidates refused to attend this one. Some people even joke and say that Jonathan was in a debate by himself and he still lost.

This all just goes to show the sad state our nation is in. As I go to the polls throughout this month, I am still not sure where I will be casting my vote. I have not found anyone that is capable of running this country successfully. I have not seen anyone that has my vote of confidence that they can help to make our nation a better place. I can only hope that whoever gets in power will not destroy our nation any more than we already are and that in the next 4 years, we will be able to raise more credible leaders that can take our nation to its great destiny.